The Cookies of Fortune
by Hunger4Righteousness
Summary: Nobody takes fortune cookies seriously... right?


_So, um, believe it or not... about a week ago, my husband and I were treating one of our kids to a birthday dinner out with just us - yeah, they still consider that a treat - at a local Asian grill and when we opened our fortune cookies this is what two of them said. Mine and my son's. Word for word. No kidding. He got the one I gave to Megs, and I got the other one. And I did actually crack up right there in the restaurant because, well, I'm just weird that way._

_I've got to mention that although the cookies inspired the idea for the story, I had to go to Nora Salisbury for help on rounding out the whole thing. And she dug in her bag of tricks and pulled out the answer beautifully. Thanks for your help, dear! Don't know what I'd do without you. MWAH!_

* * *

It was a funny thing for two such pragmatically minded people to find the glib prognostications of a dessert of questionable origins so irresistible. Nevertheless, when Asian was the cuisine of choice for the evening, they never failed to open and read from the little heralds of fate to each other. It had become a sort of ritual end to the meal that they understood would be partaken of without question or apologies. Both well sated, the somewhat stale and curiously folded confections resting on top of the bill held little allure other than to satisfy their mutual curiosity.

Brows lifted, he offered his date one cellophane covered cookie and shared with her a bemused smile as she plucked it lightly from between his fingertips. She watched as he slipped his own from its crinkly wrapper, cracked it in half, and read aloud, "Ahem… 'The fun side of a relationship you are in is about to begin.'"

Roxanne nearly snorted. "Fun side?" she guffawed quietly in amusement, refraining from any more specific commentary on the phrase. "Aren't we having fun yet?"

"I am," he assured her. But his wheels were turning. It wasn't often that the little scraps of paper offered wisdom remotely worth pondering, but on the rare occasion the words did seem to find a target they hit squarely home. A fascinating phenomenon but… surely it was only coincidence. A numbers game. Every so often one was bound to apply, right?

"I'd have to call dating a step up from being gassed unconscious, tied up, and dragged off to your warehouse to play 'let's pretend I don't like you' every week or so."

"Hmm," he answered noncommittally, still staring at the teensy printed words without really registering what she'd said. "Well, it is… interesting." He leaned slightly forward over his arms on the table suddenly, the crumpled little flag pointing her way, to murmur more confidentially, "Considering a certain conversation I recall we had, uh, fairly recently."

She knew he'd get it around to that. Smirking, she only sat back and tipped an eyebrow at him by way of reply, indicating her skepticism. And… all right, a grudging concession as well. Though it was a bit of a stretch. They both agreed the dubious pronouncements they found inside the baked treats were purposely vague enough they could be interpreted in any number of ways or applied to any number of situations. Even one as unique as theirs.

Still, it was a little… interesting, as he'd said. As she watched him glance thoughtfully down at the scrap pinched between his blue fingers once more, she knew what they were both thinking. That _this_ relationship did seem to be headed toward the breach of a new level of fun at a rather rapid clip lately. Late night goodbyes at her door had quickly evolved from a first shy and uncertain kiss into nearly-half-hour-long, wet and noisy snog sessions of heavy breathing and barely restrained groping against the wall next to her door frame from which they somehow still managed to constrain themselves enough in order to peel away from each other, parting to breathe a final reluctant good night with wild eyes and heart rates alike.

Yes, things were definitely progressing toward a new and improved definition of "fun". Pretty much along the lines of Minion's favorite song at times. And yet, without even having agreed upon any particular boundaries, they'd both found themselves still holding back. She was always left clutching the edge of her door, weak-kneed, watching him walk away, confused at a sense of relief that he was going while desperately wishing he'd stay.

And now she knew he was in the same boat since they had in fact only recently danced around an almost-discussion of where they wanted things to go next with him obviously trying to feel out her thoughts on the matter and degree of readiness to move ahead into unknown territory, and her suspecting from his extremely vague – almost as vague as the fortune in a cookie – and rather fumbling attempts that he was trying to reassure and prepare her for the physical revelation of what the next step would bring. From him. Her alien boyfriend. Like she'd never thought about it before.

Or maybe he'd realized she definitely would have thought about it and that's why he was trying to drop reassuring hints. Maybe he thought that's why she was holding back. Or why he seemed to be holding back. Abruptly aware that she was staring wide-eyed and silent down at the as yet unseen future in her own hand now, she had to wonder… was there something about his anatomy that made him reluctant to bare all? _I could find out in a heartbeat if I pushed the issue a little. _She knew he would readily take his cue from her. Had been all along. And that meant that apparently she had been the one cutting short their late night goodbyes without even realizing she was doing it.

Giving herself a little shake to clear her head, she blinked as she looked down and tore the thin clear plastic from her own would-be soothsayer. Megamind watched over the edge of his drink as she rested her elbows on the tabletop, brought the narrow rectangle up to her eyes, and smoothed it between her polished fingertips. "A surprise will titillate you and frighten you, but you will accept it."

The sudden sound of choking and spluttering made her look up in alarm as he turned various shades of purple-blue and his cheeks flushed all the way to neon, the green eyes open to their fullest extent, until finally clearing his airway of cola he took a deep gasp and began laughing so loudly all the other patrons of the restaurant looked their way. Relieved he was all right, she could only roll her eyes with a smile as she felt the color rise from her own cheeks to warm her ears at the awareness of how he'd interpreted the aforementioned 'surprise' while he continued on and on. In fact he went on so long, she began to feel impatient.

"Wow," was all he said when he could finally speak again, though not without a few barely restrained giggles. "Nailed it."

"Nailed it? Um… frightening?" Watching as chuckles threatened to overwhelm him again, if she hadn't found the sight of his crinkling eyes and laughing mouth so cute, she might have been tempted to start feeling annoyed that he apparently found the idea of her discomfort over the unknown so amusing.

"Well…" A clear mental picture of his lovely partner staring down at his anatomy in alarm for the first time sent him into a fit of coughing again.

"All right, all right. Let's go, funny guy. We're going to miss the start of the movie." In the end, she almost had to pay for the meal herself due to his incapacitated state as he kept dissolving into bouts of uncontrolled giggles that left tears in his eyes.

* * *

At the theater, they chose two seats in the very back row where they could be fairly insulated from the theater's other patrons. They'd found some members of the public had a bad habit of openly and rudely gaping at them. It usually only took a cool stare from the famously green eyes to remind them of their social gaffe. Or sometimes he liked to amuse himself by casually drawing the de-gun from its holster, carefully examining it before turning a pointed gaze on the offending gawker. Roxanne hardly gave it a thought anymore, knowing he would take care of that side of things while she concentrated on trying to enjoy their time out in public with as much normalcy as possible.

But tonight had been different. He seemed to have other things on his mind and barely noted the people around them. On the way over she'd noticed he had been unable to wipe the rather silly grin from his face that had settled there once they'd left the restaurant. And now, settled comfortably in their chairs talking about the film as the lights went out and the previews started, the unlikely hero put an arm over the back of her seat and began to say, "Roxanne, can we talk about -"

It was all the further he got before a bubbling chuckle interrupted his question and eventually grew until it had taken control of him once again. Even trying to compose his face didn't help and it seemed the more he tried, the harder he laughed until people were turning in their seats to see what the fuss was all about.

Roxanne rolled her eyes once again as she watched him collapse completely in his seat, helplessly caught in the throes of yet another giggle fit.

"Sor- sorry!" he tried to apologize, flapping a hand toward the disgruntled faces turned back toward them. "Pay no attention… nothing to see here - AHHAHAH!"

"What has gotten into you?" she murmured with an uncertain chuckle at just how out of control he seemed to be and wondering with ever growing nervousness what exactly his amusement meant. There had been all kinds of crude speculation about the form his private anatomy might take practically from the moment he fell to the planet's surface. _Frightened and titillated?_ "I mean, ok, I thought it was kind of funny too but… come on!"

Shoulders shaking he managed to recover once more enough to explain. "Well!… you see… I didn't really mean to but as soon as you read that fortune, I had this thought …" He paused to contain yet another giggle with one blue fist curled near his lips. "Of all the imposing artillery I've leveled at you, just trying to get one little reaction… one teeny admission of intimidation…" The hand opened by way of offering explanation as he shrugged slightly. "If I really wanted a scream, the one thing in my… ahem**,** _personal_ arsenal that probably would have done the trick quite nicely is, uh, my own gun." Finally looking at her with a positively wicked leer, he added smoothly, "And I don't mean the de-gun."

Speculations forgotten, Roxanne's mouth dropped open. His words painted a picture in her mind of her usual front of calmness bordering on apathy being blown away spectacularly at seeing him advance on her, cape drawn together in front, whipping it open like an old-fashioned flasher… revealing his most terrifying weapon yet. _BOOM! In your face!_

A snicker snorted through her nose. Then another burst from her lips. And soon she was carried away on a wave of giddiness. And it didn't help that he was giggling right along with her and nodding as thought he knew exactly what she was thinking – which he probably did. The idea that _he_ knew and _she_ knew made it all the more laughingly embarrassing until she ran out of breath and was left making squeaking noises, squirming in her seat… _Boom, in your_… then suddenly with a mighty gasp, a screech of laughter that rose from deep within her outdid even his and soon every eye in the darkened room was coldly trained on the two thoughtlessly loud people in the back row once again.

Try as they might, as soon as one glanced at the other, off they went again into greater and greater paroxysms of mirth until someone dared throw a few kernels of popcorn at the couple. "Get a room!" This only strained the hilarity to the point of actual physical pain, and more patrons began boldly pelting the two people who were now completely impeding their ability to concentrate on the opening scene of the movie they'd all paid an exorbitant amount of money to see.

The two huddled as close together as the divider between their seats would allow, heads nearly touching and legs drawn up as Megamind pulled his cape up to shield them from the offending rain of snack foods. The gesture, although touching, only served to irritate Roxanne's funny bone more as she simply could not stop thinking of him standing before her with his fists on his hips holding back that cape to fully bare his armament, until her sides were positively aching and tears streaming down her cheeks, gasping for air.

It was only when a beam of light was directed their way and a teenaged voice demanded to know what was going on that two pairs of eyes peeked over the edge of the black leather. Upon seeing the familiar blue head, the beam bobbled and spun wildly as the usher fumbled and nearly dropped his flashlight. In a voice breaking and squeaking between fear and obsequious fawning, he tried to apologize for interrupting.

"No! No… it's ok! We'll go." Roxanne's pale hand pulled the dark shield down as she reassured him between chuckles.

As they left they heard him address the rest of the theater's indignant occupants with the puffed up importance of one who had done his duty to the point of facing down the city's most impressively intimidating couple, "All right, everybody! Eyes front and center!"

"HA HA HA…" rang out a last round of laughter as the giddy pair retreated in haste.

Stumbling out, they found a velvet lounge in the vacant hallway between the screening rooms and threw themselves onto it to ride out their hysterics. As the chuckles eventually ran their course, Megamind observed his amused date wiping her eyes and apologized, "I'm sorry. I know that was terribly juvenile and… well, a little uncouth… but-"

"Hey," she reassured with a hand on his arm. "I was laughing just as hard as you were!"

"You were!" he pointed at her, then continued with a smile, "And since my fortune promised we'd be having more fun… eh heh heh, I just couldn't resist sharing the thought."

Roxanne gave a final giggle and a huge sigh of contentment as she leaned against his shoulder. "Oh, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time! Juvenile or not… I'm glad you did." And seeing him smiling back at her, enjoying her amusement as much as his own, suddenly the tension she hadn't even realized she was holding onto over that eventual first-time revelation relaxed. _Yeah… we should be having fun with this. Instead of worrying… _

Looking down to take his hand she said, "You know… I hope you're not actually concerned that I am going to have… some negative kind of reaction to… seeing you."

Her blue eyes looking up into his made the color rise in his cheeks, and her heart swelled seeing him glance away from her for a second. "Well… I realize that… I mean… I suppose everybody's nervous about their first time with someone, but…" his eyes pleaded for her understanding. "For me, there's more at risk to be rejected about – and more to lose."

The worry on his face was very real. "You're not going to lose anything," she murmured gently.

"Only you," he argued. "Only everything."

Roxanne couldn't help but smile. Knowing he thought of her as his everything made her want to get on with finding out everything about him even more. "I mean… I _know_ I'm not going to reject you - you're not going to lose anything," she assured him before leaning forward to rub her cheek along his until she could whisper so low her lips bumped against the softness of his ear, "Except your virginity."

She hugged him, letting him recover from the zinger before pulling back and catching his wide-eyed blushing gaze again to quietly say, "Your fortune might have been right on the money, but I think mine was a little off." Squeezing his hand, she added with a wry smirk, "Megs… I already know I'm going to like what I see." He blinked and smiled back at her, his shoulders suddenly relaxing. "I guess this has just made me realize how sure I am of that. No matter what it… um… I mean _you_, you know, are like…" she trailed off, realizing she was blushing now too. "And that… come on! We ought to be having fun with this. And just… go with it... instead of worrying so much about seeing each other naked for the first time."

Just hearing her say the word – naked - made his pulse race hopefully. He searched her blue eyes, trying to find a trace of uncertainty before answering. "I won't be anymore… if you aren't."

She smiled back widely before leaning toward him for a sweet kiss and a whisper. "Not anymore." As one hand drew her face to his for another longer kiss, she broke from it to tease, "Although, I can't promise I won't be at least a little bit _titillated_." A giggle bubbled against his lips.

"You may very well be titillated!" he agreed with a return of his usual playful bravado. "I _am_ rather impressive." Reassured by another sound of mild amusement, he added more thoughtfully, "But not frightening, my sweet. I shall simply wow you with my awesomely unique… um, _offering…_ and then graciously receive the acceptance _your_ cookie promised," he added, bumping her nose with his. One arm sneaked around her waist to pull her nearer.

"That much is absolutely for certain," she murmured back as they continued their snuggling on the divan. It was only when one of the theater's employees cleared her throat before hurrying past that they remembered where they were and parted.

"So," Roxanne asked. "Shall we go watch the rest of that movie, or…"

"Go start exploring a little more of the fun side?" he finished, green eyes alight with hopefulness.

Grinning she nodded and distracted him with another kiss in order to dig her fingertips into his abs until she felt them contract and heard a chuckling protest rise in his throat. "I seriously doubt you could sit through it without making a commotion and getting us thrown out again anyway," she taunted, one saucy eyebrow quirked his way. "Sounds like there's a few more giggles in there, but I bet I can work them out of you."

"Sit through it?" he asked, knowing his brain was no more likely to give up contemplating being with her now any more than one of the brainbots would give up its favorite wrench. "Possibly. Be able to tell you later what it was about?" he asked, with a shake of his head. "Not a chance." Rising with a newly confident smile, he took one of her hands and began leading the way out. "Onward!" he declared dramatically with a finger raised in air. "To the _FUN SIDE_!"


End file.
